CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

I currently attend the University of Kentucky down here in Lexington. When I left New York two years ago, I figured that I had left all the psyco squirrels behind me... I've never been so mistaken in my life.

See, it's winter down here, so of course it got too cold too fast and we have friggin BIRDS falling out of the sky frozen... but that is another story for another page. My real problem is with all the inbred rabid nut munchers we have running around.

Now, the squirrels down here are not like normal everyday squirrels. These little buggers basically have no fur on their tails. The ones that hang out around certain frat houses have drug problems (which causes odd twitching), but, the worst thing is that they bark and attack like dogs!

For example, the other day I was walking across central campus on my way to class. Unfortuantly for me, I was eating a pack of crackers with peauntbutter on them. All of the sudden, one of those twitching bandits jumps out of a tree in front of me. I tried to go around it... but it remained in its aggressive stance and began to dance around and get in front of me. THEN... the thing has the nerve to bark at me. I was about to kick it when all of the sudden it started that weird shaking again... which freaked me out... so I dropped the crackers and ran like no other. I must admit I am a little embarassed about the whole thing, since like 30 people say it... but this cant continue.

Any help you can provide would be quite helpful.

- Patriot Andrea, representing the University of Kentucky (GO CATS!)