CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from the University of Kansas in Lawrence, KS.

The University of Kansas is overrun by squirrels. They're everywhere. They're taking over.

One day I was walking home from class and one squirrel ran straight for a girl. It ran right under her feet and purposely tripped her. I saw the evilness in its eyes.

Sometimes they come right up to you, as if to taunt you. They stare at you. Then they run... I'm sure they're plotting something.