CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from Indiana University in Bloomington, IN.

Reporting from Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana, where the squirrels have joined together with the chimpmunks to wreck helpless biking students everywhere.

Their assaults will take place on any path to class, where squirrels and chimpmunks wait in the bushes for the innocent biker cruising along to class.

Its like playing a game of chicken sometimes... who would think these little furry guys would want to face down a mountain bike tire, fully capable of squashing them into the sidewalk.

Chimpmunks are the more elusive, waiting for the last second to run out under your tire, causing heart attacks on behalf of the rider, and worse, wrecks into to the bushes. God only knows what happens there... in the headquarters of this plot.

Ride safetly fellow bikers, and keep those eyes peeled for this attack... and no, it doesn't work as an excuse for being late to class.