GRIMSBY SECONDARY FIGHTS BACK! Hope for Canada Grows

        With all the bad news coming from Canada lately, it's heartening to receive a call to arms from Grimsby Secondary School in Grimsby, Ontario, Canada...

I have a campus alert for you.

Grimsby Secondary School, in Grimsby Ontario Canada, has an infestation of dangerous squirrels.

While running in gym class the vicious beasts will launch themselves out of the bushes and attack unsuspecting runners in packs. They jump, they hiss, they spit, and they try and bite your ankles. One nearly landed on my head in an aerial attack from a tree.

They are trying to cut down our numbers before the real attack begins. Obviously, their mission is to take over the school.

Last year, a squirrel now refered to as "Sparky" did a kamikaze mission and killed himself on a transformer, cutting of the power to our school for 2 days causing mass histeria. This mission failed, but were sure they are out there, planning the next attack. They are getting smarter.

These creatures must be stopped!

~Patriot Monica

        As many Patriots know, Ontario, Canada is a skwerl-infested nether world. So, one would think that Grimsby would be just one more town on a long list of Canadian cities controlled by the bushytail horde.
        However, Grimsby stands as a beacon of light in the struggle against squirrel world domination (click skwerls to hear their opinion).
        For example, brave lumberjacks were recently cleared of illegal clearcut charges (click here for story); and at least one local web site links directly to scary squirrel world itself (see link below).
        Nonetheless, it's clear from Patriot Monica's alert that the drooling nut crunchers are stepping up their efforts to subdue Grimsby. We believe that nutzy reserves from the nearby Balls Falls Conservation Area, a place of unspeakable chitterbox horror, are coveting the town's delicious nuts, birdfeeders, and public parks even as you read this report!
        Patriots, our hats are off to our brave comrades in Grimsby. May all Canada, and all nations follow their heroic example, eh!!!