CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from El Camino College, Torrance, California.

The squirrels at ECC in Torrance carry the Bubonic plague and have been none to attack students at night on the way to their cars.

Many students foolishly feed them junk food filled with sugar and saturated fats.

A poll was taken and in it it was revealed that the majority of students attacked were Japanese girls. This is racist and must be stopped.

The squirrels will also hide in trash cans and jump out at students who merely try to throw their trash away. Meanwhile, the squirrel population keeps drastically escalating.

Something most be done. I am very worried.