CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from the University of Delaware, Newark, Delaware

I was talking on my phone and walking home from class (at the University of Delaware). I approached a trashcan near my dorm to throw out a bottle. I was about to reach my hand to throw out my bottle and what happens but a little fuzzy squirrel head pops up and starts screaming at me.

Naturally I jumped backwards and tripped over a stick. So I picked myself up, shook myself off and started back towards the trashcan thinking the squirrel must have run off. Little did I know this was a very territorial squirell...

Once again I reached out to throw my bottle out and this time the heinous creature launches itself at me causing me to fall over and bruise my bum once again!

This must be the start of some horrific squirrel plot to take over the university! Please! Send help!!!