| scary squirrel world Scary Squirrel World |
Date: Sat, 13 Feb 1999 02:41:05 -0500
From: hansen
To: scarysquirrel@scarysquirrel.com
Subject: Campus Alert!
Hello there,
I have terrible news to report. I am a student at The City College of New York and I too am a victim of a calculated squirrel attack. As my girlfriend and I sat in my car eating our McDonald's hamburgers in the south campus parking lot this fall we noticed three squirrels sitting not 15 feet from us on a cement curb. Noticing their piercing stares we became frightened of their intentions considering all we have heard of these demonic creatures.In a panic we made the now obviously ludicrous act of tossing fries to the beasts in order to appease them so they would let us go without harm. This without any doubt was our undoing. The center squirrel, obviously their leader, stepped up to the nearby fries and began examining them intensely. Then in a moment let out a shrill squeal that frightened us even further. With that shrill the two lower squirrels rushed the fries and in a flash whisked them off safely to a nearby tree.
We thought we had satisfied them. I peered down to where the leader squirrel was moments ago but he had disappeared without a trace. So, feeling relatively safe we returned to our meal. This was wrong, very wrong. Out of nowhere the leader appeared on the edge of the hood. looking down around the car I counted over twenty seven furry little bushy tailed satan spawn encircling my vehicle. Then a faint sway began to be felt in the car from side to side. After 5 minutes the squirrels had managed to flip my car on its roof and were in the process of using primitive hammer like tools to break out the windows. Then we heard a barrage of gun fire from nearby that cut through the deafening shrills of our attackers.
As quick as it started it was over. From our viewpoint we could see a group of 4-5 heavily armed persons in the throws of battle with our assailants. We broke free in time to see the aftermath of the battle. There laying on the uneven pavement were the badly mangled bodies of several squirrels. Our liberators stood amongst them nursing their many bite wounds and lumps from those damn little hammers the squirrels had. We thanked them and they told us how they had seen the incident from St. Nicholas Terrace and took action.
We survived by the grace of God, and now feel it our duty to tell the world of our story and this scourge.
Sincerely,
Shawn Hansen
City College of New York
