CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from Siena Heights University, Adrian, MI

I am a friend of Samantha, who left a message urging us all to give in and support the squirrely hord (see first Siena Heights report).

I regret to inform the world that Sam's efforts were in vain; the squirrels spare nobody! Poor Sam disappeared without a trace over the summer, and nobody seems to know where she's gone. However, there were reports of the Black Ninja squirrels being seen outside her dormroom window the day before she disappeared.

Siena Heights University officials wrote this strange disappearence off to a transfer, but we who know her know better. Sam was erased!

I am here to urge you all to greater caution; Sam's efforts cannot be in vain. We must learn from this loss, and realize that there can be no peace with the squirrels. If we as human beings are to survive, we must fight. It will be a long and dangerous struggle, and certainly cannot be won without loss. I am taking up the mantle, and will attempt to organize a resistence here before more students are taken.

Pray for me, Brothers and Sisters, and pray for humanity! Look to your own safety, and the safety of your loved ones. There is a storm ahead, and we had best be ready for it.

Scott

READER COMMENTS AND MINI-ALERTS I used to think that they were kinda cute with their bushy tails and all. But when one of them decided to build a nest under the hood of my truck and ate my electrical wires off, I have decided that they are in deed varmits and need to go. Any good recipes for squirrel stew? ~Signed, an Angry Cornhusker Creighton University has kamikazing Squirrels that bombard you out of trees... and off smaller buildings As a student teacher at Whitmer High of Toledo, OH I had a skwerl invade my classroom. As if contending with the students wasn't enough, I then had a skwerl gnawing on the windows and distracting the students. (I like to assume they were paying attention in the first place.) The final straw came when my cooperating teacher and I left for a staff meeting. As we were originally skwerl-huggers, we had been feeding it peanuts. Upon our return from the staff meeting, we found that the skwerl had decimated the peanut stash and left the shells on our floor. The Black ninja squirrel of Western Washington University is indeed a tenacious breed. The intimidation of students on the grass and even near their own homes must stop. We've got to rally together dammit, or we'll be overrun. Houghton College in western New York has lots of black squirells, and some gray as well. Being a Christian campus, we don't persecute God's creatures, but appreciate their beauty. one day I was walking in to class through the park when I heard and saw a twig wizz by me. when I turned to the tree it had came from, a squrril hopped out of the tree. to my suprise, the squrril came out on a branch near the path. I came closer and suddenly the squirrl jumped on me and bit my cheek. then (as if things couldn't be worse)five more squirrls hopped out of the tree. two came onto me also, and three stayed and countinued to chuck nuts at me. I saw a mound of soil near the tree and a idea struck me. I sprinted to the pile of dirt and dug right beneath it. sure enough, the pile was the squirrl's nut stash. I ran to class late, and bitten. but I had the best prank ever. soon after class started, there was a scratching sound at the door. my teacher opened it and six squirrls pounced on her and ran to my desk. their tiny little mussles mut have been at their most when they got my desk open. th squirrls ran of with the nus and I got a detention. even so I had a blast! Squirrels have been terrorizing the residents of Harvard Yard since 1636. For a century of articles on squirrels from the Harvard Crimson, check out this: Harvard Squirrel Archive I was sitting in a bench outside eating a snack. Then a squirrel started to get closer to me. I guessed it was hungry and got a small piece of my roll and held it close to the squirrel, it got closer and once it was comfortable with me the squirrel got it right of my hand to eat it!!! Then I fed it, the squirrel to the food with its teeth. They are very approachable and not scary at all! Leave those poor little campus squirrels alone! They just sit in their tree and eat their nuts! They aren't hurting anyone! Our school teachers are skwerls! They are the best. They diserve to rule the world. They must reach their goal or the world will go corrupt! I'm a student at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona Beach, Florida, and the squirrels here are crazy!! I was outside one day eating a hamburger and two evil squirrel commandos came over and attacked me! I had to throw a french fry to one of them to save my life. I beat off the other with my ruler. This happens every day! Something must be done! my collage at peterborough, cambs, uk is surrounded on 3 sides, and is at great risk The squirrels here disguise themselves as people, too. After a few encounters with campus security, they must have figured that an ID by itself didn't do much good. Meredith College in Raleigh NC has very aggressive squirrels!! i was going to take a bite of my apple, and a squirrel jumped on my head and took it and ate it right in front of me, then i asked for it back, and he slapped me in the face, i have the scratch marks to prove it. Oh yeah he poked my eye out with his tail when he walked away. ITS REALLY SCARY TO KNOW THAT THEY CAN HURT YOU! BEWARE! THEY ARE NOT FRIENDLY! THEY BITE FOR REAL As I was walking out of my dorm, a squirrel was waiting for me, pearched upon a brick post by the door. As I took one step toward it, it unleashed a hellish battle cry; a twisted combination of a wild boar and a large condor. Naturally, I ran away toward the rest of campus. This squirrel is still on the loose! Everyone at this establishment must be warned of this animal and its bretheren. ~Austin Tiny Wilson College in Chambersburg PA is over run by the adorable little creatures. A local delicacy is squirrel pot pie! There are so many on campus here that I even feature a new one in my "squirrel of the week" photo frame diaplayed on my office door The squirrels at the University Of Texas at Austin are sneaky! They lay flat on their belly on the concrete and look friendly then they leap up and chase you! I once saw a squirrel chase a girl untill she dropped her apple...then it picked the whole thing up in its mouth and walked calmly away! I go to East Stroudsburg U., in Pennsylvania. One morning i was enjoying a satisfying muffin when a skwerl came out of no where, tackled me and took my slice of blueberry heaven. He bit me and i got a flesh eating squirrel disease, but i'm cured now. I want to warn people of this disease and find that little jerk who gave eat to me and eat his little squirrel chidlin. ~Jenny Chocolate White Grinnell College, in IA, is overrun with big, fat squirrels of the orange-gray variety. They're becoming violent. AUGUSTANA COLLEGE IS CLOSE TO THE ROCK ISLAND ARSENAL. BEING MEMBERS OF THE GOLF CLUB, THERE WERE PLENTY OF BLACK SQUIRRELS AROUND. IT IS AN ACTUAL ISLAND WITH HISTORY GOING BACK TO THE CIVIL WAR. ~MARK There is about one or two albino squirrels at the University of Louisville. If you take a picture of one and show somebody, you will get a t-shirt that says "I spotted the White Squirrel". It is like a scavanger hunt...with a squirrel! ~Van Wyk Your squirrels must be weaklings- they only throw muffins? The ones here roll boulders off of cliffs over unsuspecting passers by. I was attacked by a squirril when it jumped out of my backpack after snacking on my lunck I've seen them, really. The squirrels at our local college are the size of BASKETBALLS. Really. 23 pounds of gnashing, furious hell.. and the poor students are forced to pay "protection" to these maniacal monsters. You'd think they'd just stay in the trees, but the overweight cronies can only chuck up a tree an inch at a time. I was exercising and they kept coming after me!! They probably thought I had nuts, I don't know. I threw my dumbell in defense and ran like the wind for safety. Only hours later, was I able to sneak back and retrieve my property. Squirrels are out to get me!! I saw 3 skwerls playing some sort of game at Michigan State. It is obvious by now that they are at a higher level of education than us. We are now trying to catch the skwerls so that they can teach us. OMG D'YOUVILLE COLLEGE IS UNDER ATTACK! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE. GIANT 6 FOOT SQUIRRELS ARE EATING MY FACE. AGHHHHH! I came across your website by accident and loved it! See I belong to a women's faternity called Alpha Gamma Delta and our mascot is a squirrel. I just think it is great that their is such a love for squirrels!! ~Aimee Salem College, Winston-Salem, NC. Skwerls actually chase you, throw nuts at you and are just down right horrible! They are trying to overtake the campus! Unfortunately, the bushytail horde has developed a stronghold in the west wing of my school. We have not devised a plan for the destruction of the varmints. However, as of 10:55 central time. The bushytail varmints have broken through our defenses in the deans office, and our now taking the flesh off of my best friends skull. And yet I continue to type this urgent message, in hopes of a faithful return of A.S.C. patriots. If something isn't done in the next 2 minutes my life will no longer be needed....No... No...I NEED THAT!!!!! GAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa..... Marywood U. The nuns that have movede on to a better place should beware for their souls are reincarnated into squirrels. Bluffton University has a severe problem with the bushytail horde... We have black squirrels EVERYWHERE! They throw acorns at me on the way to class. Help! Is this a joke??? Leave the damn squirrels alone and worry about something else of importance.... Here ay Portland State University in Portland Oregon we have greater concerns. A sqwerl attacked my friend at our school picnic. it ran towards her and climbed on her back. when she screamed, it climbed onto her head and jumped onto a tree. no weve never really had a squirrel problem...but one time i stole the squirrels nut...and he wants it back...he came back the next day...he was standing on a lightpost...and then he made some weird sounds...and some of his fiends started to crawl up a nearby tree. now they've been harrasing my friend casey. every morning he looks out his window and theres more and more of them. they want the nut back, but im not goiong to give it to them! BCC IS FULL OF MADD ASS SQUIRRELS Univ of Wisconsin- Madcity: Up here if the land of brats, cheese curds and beer, we keep the skwerl population under control throuph controlled culling every spring- we call it road kill. This method is so popular that road kill skwerls can be found on the bike paths. We also drink 2 fat squirrel beer (New Glarus Brewery). Come to Wisco and enjoy the glorious skwerl free beer happy spring. We are overrun by squirrels in Thrope St Andrew, Norwich, England. Our headteacher has a bushy tail, I suspect him of being a squirrel! I heard from a friend that squirrels at Marietta College, in Marietta, Ohio, have been spotted climbing through windows in the Honors House and eating leftover birthday cake. The squirrels are massing, in Norlington South Dakota. Be prepared for an attack. Take up arms, and prepare yourselfs. This is not an issue to take lightly, we must BOMB South Dakota!!!!! Here at Macalester College in St. Paul, MN we have plenty of skwerl critters everywhere you look. We even have a completely black one. They always climb into the trash bins and poke their little heads out when you least expect it. SCARY. Bellevue Christian High School, Clyde Hill Washington has had 3 attacks! I'm over in Towson University and we are overrun by squirrels. There is hardly a moment that you can go outside and feel safe. And whats even worse, they seem to be recruiting racoons into their ranks!!! I fear a full scale attack is going to commence soon. Our only hope is to alert everyone and be prepared. Good Luck everyone. ~B Dub Just wanted to warn you about Wofford College in Spartanburg, SC. Squirrels are running rampant, and have been known to challenge students to duels for control of sidewalks and roads. It's a small campus, and squirrels are asserting their rights to squat. Luckily, we have lost only a few students thus far, but we grow more and more concerned. Just thought you needed to know. Tony Prestipino Concerned Wofford Alum I'm over here at ISU in Normal, and I haven't seen many fuzzy maniacs out...then again, considering how cold it is, I can't blame them. However, back in Washington, at the Green River Community College in Auburn, they pretty much live off the student population. Mindless fools...none of them realise the evil they help propogate...though they're so little and cute and fuzzy and hyper and stuff and things with the tail and the chittering and the beady little eyes and the eeeeeeevilllll..... The University of Louisville is home to several albino squirrels. Their white fur makes painfully obvious just how dirty these creatures are! From Skwerlhugger Amy's Univerity of Washington campus alert... As for the squirrels hanging out next to the Law building, they have much more aggressive personas. Perhaps that's because they have less cover from the elments/predators, not enough trees, and they probably don't get as much food as the other squirrels in the area. Two words: Law school; squirrel Ok, that's three words. But your blood should still run cold. Cold as a hungry lawyer's. ~Skwerlhugger Dinning We have squirrels everywhere here at the University of Evansville in Evansville, Indiana. Everywhere. You really can’t get away from the little guys and they aren’t scared of us so they just watch us wherever we go as if we’re trespassing on their property or something. Though it may be cute, it’s a little weird. Loved your website. My husband worked at Erskine three years ago when they found a newborn squirrel that had been abandoned. She was less than a week old and I named her Kirby and fed her with a syringe and raised her to adulthood. Kirby lived in our living room for two years in a two-story condo built just for her. She had free run of our living room when we were in there and gave us two years of pleasure in watching her. Kirby was so tame that I gave her a bath in baby shampoo regularly and clipped her nails weekly. She allowed me to put hats and clothes on her and she wore a guinea pig leash so that she could travel. I have a picture of her in a Christmas outfit that was precious. It won an Honorable Mention at Erskine in a photo contest. Facilities Management may still have a copy in their office. The caption was "Erskine Alumnus- Former Resident: Belk Hall". I'll see if I can scan that picture and send it to you. :) Debbie Erwin Albion College has defintely been overrun by black squirrels. There is a 3:1 black to grey squirrel ratio just on campus. I dont think I have ever seen anything but. They are also not afraid whatsoever of human beings, very very tame. Just thought I would inform everyone of this epidemic. Thank you! ~B Forget about the campus. here in Cedar grove we have skwerl that lives to raise hell with me. His name is Rocko-T. Mornings he runs around the roof to wake you up and play roof rat. Then its on to the birdfeeder for another rat ruckus or in plural ruckii. No letting up its uppa tree for no reason but to make that hideous rat chatter. let me tell you I'll have not of em. ~Patriot Cotter OV CORSE SQUIRRELS AR AT OUR SCOOL We recently became aware of the dark, diabolical and daring sorties of these furry minions of darkness here on our campus. I am alerting our entire cadet corps at the Missouri Military Academy in Mexico, Missouri to this 'clear and present danger.' Non pax cum skwerlae! The squirrels have definitely taken over Wichita State University.. or shall I say Wichita Skwerl University?? At least now I know I'm not alone in this great edumacated nation whenever I had to throw down my sour cream & onion Lays for the fuzzy leaders and run like hell. OH the humanity! Once at my skool, Mt. Tabor M.S. i saw this skwerl and it was talking to me, but my friends didn't here it. It said,"hey.. you.. in the green.. come here." So i walked over there, my friends didn't notice me. it says" why do u hate skwerls?" I didn't answer, just stared. because i didn't answer, his teeth grew shapper, ears went up higher and it's eyes turned red. I backed away saying "because your sycotic." I ran away, It chased me and my friends FINALY see me. now everyone is looking at me like i'm a flippin' panzie. It jumped , i turned around and kicked it in the face. i went inside. worst, day, ever. -Bridgette Gross P.S.- I feel 4 everyone this has happened 2. I'm a student at Ball State as well and we got a mess of em living in the attic and walls of our house. Herbert and a mess of friends... My school is serving them well. Why, you ask, because we love them. Marist College is infested with squirrels. They can be seen all over campus eating leftover icecream and bagels. The have no fear of humans and are willing to climb up your pant leg to get some nuts. The white squirrels!! They have landed on campus. They are the elites of the evil empire. They plan attacks, strike without mercy, and fade away into the mist. -Western Kentucky University Years ago my wife was walking across the peaceful campus of Vanderbilt University and a squirrell of this ilk leaped up on her arm and ran around on her shoulders. To this day she thinks she saw a dook tatoo on that squirrell. It had a Jersey accent... The Baylor campus alert must be a fraud. Squirrels are too smart to go to Baylor! Well, anyway, if true, with the squirrel invasion, the average IQ has probably gone up a standard deviation or two in Waco. north union high skool may be a central target for the sqwerl/human holocaust. please alert the world of our problem...oh no there here baeu help... It has been 1 whole day with the squirrels attacking us, many have perished. Please send help to North Union High School in Richwood, Ohio! I am reporting an attack of squirrels at North Union High School. They are killing anyone that gets in their way and are currently holding our principal hostage. PLEASE HELP US! They're about to launch a mass sacrifice into the sun. PLEASE HURRY! From: Concerned Citizen - North Union High School in Richwood OH. Spawn of the devil? You're at the wrong university. Head north on I35. There's a college in Waco that's really into that "spawn of the devil" stuff. skyview high School needs some serious help with this problem University of Central Florida. I've actually seen a squirrel run up and over the head of somebody as they walked. The stupid bastards (the students) feed the little bastards (the squirrels). You people are afraid of squirrels?! And you call yourselves college students! You're not ready for college. Go back to junior high. theres some damn scary squirrels at elon university in north carolina The black squirrel is also the unofficial mascot of Sarah Lawrence College, a small, very progressive, ultimately-artsy liberal arts college in Bronxville, NY. Their slogan is: "Sarah Lawrence College: where even the squirrels wear black." At El Camino College (COmmunity College) in Torrance, California, I was walking through the commons on a walkway. I passed a trashcan on my left, and as I was minding my own business, a squirrel leaped out of the garbage with its claws outstreatched, surely hungry for blood. I barely dodged this furry projectile and made a safe getaway. this frisbee team operates out of indiana university of penslyvania. please take the apropriate action, as i wish to remain anonymous Here at Western Washington University we are under seige by the evil forces of the Black Squirrel. Their forces are strong and we're sceeeeered! Concerned Student hoping to warn the world! ~L.D. ther are absolutely no scary squirrels you dumbasses. squirrels rule my campus but they are nice. they come in classrooms but we feed them and they let us pet them. the squirrels at the University of Aouth Florida will still your food if you do not watch out! Always keep ypur food in your hand and do not put it down anywhere or the squirrels willl steal it and give you a dirty look if it is not wnough. Watch Out! I've been here at Tennessee Tech for almost a month and I see at least 15 squirrels a day. In the trees, bushes, the court yard, one even managed to get into my dorm. We have to decrease the squirrel population before they take over the world. Sincerely, Concerned Citizen I live on Staten Island, and I go to a high school, Staten Island Technical. On the way to school after I get off the bus (I have to walk several blocks to my school), I see many, many squirrels there. Be it clinging on the sides of tree trunks, running rampant on the roads, or even running on the POWER LINES.... They are EVERYWHERE!!! The madness just doesn't stop..... ~Jak I recently read the terrifying account of a University of Washington student attacked for doritos. Apparently the student's failure to cooperate outright has led skwerls everywhere to retaliate against UW until they submit. On an expedition to Mount St. Helens, University of Washington Researchers (graduate students) had their vehicle key and attached credit card STOLEN by a ground squirrel. Researchers had to hike 2 miles back to the public access, hitchhike to the nearest phone 1 hr away, and beg someone from UW to drive 3.5 hrs with another key. UW researchers first blamed rival researchers from Washington State University for this treacherous act, but the truth came out when WSU researchers discovered a gnawed-on key next to a skwerl hole. In fact, I think they still suspect WSU, but my story is TRUE! Where will it end? John Bishop Assistant Professor School of Biological Sciences Washington State University Vancouver There was a student eaten alive on my campus yesterday on 1 April 2003 after an attack by a group of 16 squirrels led by a 20-plus pounds squirrel. I am not kidding. You may verify this information at Washington State University, Pullman. I was very disgusted by its attack because the victim's head was being mutilated and eaten to a degree with only his skull left! I have seen the picture. And, it happened outside of philosophy department where I regularly visit for my major. Robert R. Pullman, WA Use scrollers to view more comments:

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