CAMPUS ALERT!!! PATRIOTS, GET YOUR WHACKIN' STICKS!

Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, AR.

Having recently been almost attacked on my college campus, Arkansas State, by the many evil squirrels, I am pleased to say that as I was watching out a fourth story window in my botany class, I saw one of the nasty little creature fall out of the tall pine by the building. Never have I laughed so hard at an animal's misfortune. However, I was returned in kind, as I was walking to my class the next week, I heard a thump and looked behind me. Another of the rodents had fallen, and almost ran up my leg in a sorry attempt to get away. Coincidence? I think not...

Nonetheless, I think you would like our campus, not because of the abundance of squirrels so much as the abundance of "misfortunes" that become them here.

For instance, one year the power to the entire campus was shut down when one tried to test the amount of volts his little body could stand. And not naming any names or anything, a dead squirrel (fried by the power lines of course) unexplainably ended up in front of a sorority (their mascot was a squirrel) wrapped neatly in a box. I was hoping to make the school newspaper, but all I got was a very sastisfactory scream at about 1 o'clock in the morning...

Anyways, just letting you know that not all campuses are under complete bushytail control!

~ Patriot Amanda