Squirrels are taking over our colleges and universities, corrupting students and faculty.
The latest report comes from Adelphi University on Long Island, New York.

I am writing from the Adelphi University Campus. I regret to inform that the squirrels have joined forces with the rabbits here.

The combination of these two forces has been devastating. They are everywhere. The grounds keepers have been attacked from above by these fuzzy scoundrels and when they try to retreat they are waylaid by rabbit holes strategically placed in their line of retreat.

There seems to be no end to their siege on this campus. Day or night, they are in the trees out side the dorms; the rabbits cover the ground during all hours of the day and night.

They are constantly digging new trenches, and tunnels. They have secret passages that are heavily fortified by tree roots and they are guarded from above by their bushy tailed comrades.

It is a sad state of affairs here in Long Island. No matter how many of these furry incarnations of evil we whack they are still taking over, they multiply as if underground there is some evil cloning experiment going on. If any of the local campuses read this, please send whacking reinforcements. Central Long Island is under siege and will soon be lost if reinforcements don’t arrive soon.

Fred K. AKA “Squirrel Squisher”