scary squirrel world BEFORE TUFTY THERE WAS...

As most Patriots know, at the head of today's bushytail horde, the Squirrel Enforcement Army, is the infamous Tufty the Traffic Safety Squirrel.

Tufty burst upon the scene in the 1960's with his Tufty Club and it's manifesto of terror (see link below). But who preceded Tufty?

To answer that question we bring you our series...

before tufty, there was...

FOR THOSE WHO DON'T KNOW, THE CHICKAREE IS A SMALL CHITTERBOX THAT LIVES IN THE CONIFEROUS FORESTS OF THE AMERICAN WEST. BUT THE FUZZY WUZZY SQUIRREL WAS SOMETHING ELSE...

ACCORDING TO OUR INFORMED SOURCES, FUZZY WUZZY MADE A SINGLE BID FOR POWER IN 1948 (see CHICKAREE - THE FUZZY WUZZY SQUIRREL; WHITMAN PUBLISHING COMPANY; ©1948).

AS THE STORY GOES, FUZZY WUZZY INITIALLY ATTEMPTS TO EXTRACT TRIBUTE FROM HIS FOREST NEIGHBORS FAILS. THIS FAILS AND IN A FOREST OF PLENTY, HE IS CLOSE TO DEATH FROM STARVATION. THAT IS, UNTIL A BOY AND GIRL COME ALONG.

FUZZY WUZZY SEES THAT THEY ARE WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISON. HE THREATENS THE CHILDREN. THEY DON'T KNOW THAT HE IS POWERLESS TO MAKE GOOD ON HIS THREATS. SO THEY RUN OFF TO SPEND THEIR COLLEGE FUND ON DELICIOUS NUTS WHICH THEY CARRY BACK TO FUZZY WUZZY.

PRESUMABLY, THEY ARE SPARED.

SCENES FROM CHICKAREE THE FUZZY WUZZY SQUIRREL
click thumbnails for large, hi-res versions







Fuzzy Wuzzy's crimes apparently began and ended in 1948. There is no other documented evidence of his exploits and Fuzzy Wuzzy's current whereabouts are unknown...

READER COMMENTS

thank you for bringing this beast to my attention. i will never go to the forest again!


I do not understand what the h___ a squirrel ever did to any of you who created this site. What is with all of the anti-squirrel talk.
Fuzzy wuzzy s___s
Considering all the nuts there are on a college campus, I'd say Fuzzy Wuzzy saved those two brats serious psychological damage by having them spend their college tuition money on him instead of at the likes of Cornell. "High above Cayuga's waters, there is an awful smell..."
fuzzy wuzzy must be pretty stoooopid if he was starving. there's two pine cones at his feet in one of the pictures. just what chickerees eat!
I think Fuzzy Wuzzy is a sexual predator!

RELATED SITES/TOPICS
BEFORE TUFTY THERE WAS: FRISKY THE SQUIRREL
TUFTY AND SQUIRREL WORLD DOMINATION


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